So I'll get started a day early, in hopes that I actually stick to this... A month of giving thanks. I was talking to my roommate Erica tonight and told her that I feel like this year (meaning school year) has been rather full of negativity. And it's hugely frustrating because I'm generally not a negative person at all-yet I find myself sucked into this negative pattern. And I don't like it. So this month-or rather next month-will be only one part of my trying to get out of the negative rut and thinking more positively. Some days will be longer than others, and honestly, part of me is nervous that I'll come to a day that I have to think really hard about what I'm thankful for-though I hope this isn't true. I want-no, I need-to be more thanksful. So here I go.
Today, I will tell you that I am so thankful for my teammate/roommate, Erica. I am so blessed to have her. She's willing to listen, willing to talk, and willing to kick me in the pants when I need it. The past year and a few months would not have been what they have been if it weren't for her. So, Erica, thanks :-)
Monday, October 31, 2011
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
lighter and/or shorter
On a lighter and shorter note, I'd like to be more thankful. And so it is my goal (hopefully not too lofty) to post every day in November one thing I am thankful for. Feel free to hold me to that.
"detail-oriented" or "*cough* *wheeze*"
Today I'm sick. And I'm pretty sure you have nothing better to do than hear about it. But I'll spare you major complaints-maybe. I must say, though, the timing is pretty impeccable. See on Friday, I woke up with a sore-ish throat and what some would call "sexy voice." You know that voice you have when you nearly don't have a voice. It's at least an octave lower than your normal speaking voice, and makes singing almost impossible-at least for me-unless, of course, you want to sing bass for the day (or however long it decides to linger). Saturday, I started feeling kind of tired, and while it wasn't so painful to talk, it was exhausting. I tell myself it's because I use so much energy trying to make myself heard... though I'm not sure of the accuracy of this deduction.
Sunday, still had less voice. When I sang, I pretty much sang in the bass range. Sunday night, my nose got stuffy. Monday, I still had little voice. And I had many lessons. By the end of the day, my voice was gone. Tuesday, one of my colleagues said I sounded better-though I'm pretty sure she only meant my voice. Cuz I was more stuffy on Tuesday than on Monday. And last night, my asthma decided to rear it's ugly head... at 3:30 in the morning. Fantastic. After waking myself up coughing, I took another dose of my inhaler and walked around, then laid in bed... for an hour. After an hour I finally fell asleep. Today it's mostly just hard to breathe, but I had a fun trip to the lekárná, or the pharmacy for those of you who don't speak Czech. Well, I guess it's just a medicine shop. You get prescriptions filled there. You get OTC drugs there. It's pretty much not like a CVS though because you have to tell them what you want and they get it for you. You can't pick up some medications by yourself. Anyway. I was so glad that our pastor's wife was working because I knew she'd be able to help me. I am so thankful for knowing English-speaking people in helpful areas. When one is sick, the last thing they want to do is try to communicate in a foreign language that they know very little of. Fortunately I have not been so sick, and this was my first trip to a lekárná alone. And I was glad I was able to speak English for the entire transaction-much less stressful than if she hadn't been there. If you're reading, Thanks Zuzka!
Now that I've given you a run-down of my illness (in more detail than you probably need or want), I know what you're thinking: "how does this make for good timing?" Excellent question. Let me tell you. See Friday is a national holiday. And as such, this weekend every year, it is a 5 day weekend-also known as Fall break. Now, I do still have some classes. Only one today and one tomorrow. But it's perfect timing because it's an extended period where I can just rest. I don't have to have a coughing fit in classes (well not most) and I don't have to find a way to get a drink or worry about not being able to breathe. For the most part, I can just relax at home and get better. This is so wonderful.
This morning I got to skype with a friend of mine who is teaching in Turkey. And she is always reminding me that God is good at the details. And this is just one more reminder for me that God has all the details worked out-there is not one thing He has forgotten or overlooked. It's really comforting to know this. In the midst of all the uncertainty in my life, I know for sure (though I often forget and am tempted to try to do it myself) that God has all the details worked out-none of it is a surprise to Him.
Sunday, still had less voice. When I sang, I pretty much sang in the bass range. Sunday night, my nose got stuffy. Monday, I still had little voice. And I had many lessons. By the end of the day, my voice was gone. Tuesday, one of my colleagues said I sounded better-though I'm pretty sure she only meant my voice. Cuz I was more stuffy on Tuesday than on Monday. And last night, my asthma decided to rear it's ugly head... at 3:30 in the morning. Fantastic. After waking myself up coughing, I took another dose of my inhaler and walked around, then laid in bed... for an hour. After an hour I finally fell asleep. Today it's mostly just hard to breathe, but I had a fun trip to the lekárná, or the pharmacy for those of you who don't speak Czech. Well, I guess it's just a medicine shop. You get prescriptions filled there. You get OTC drugs there. It's pretty much not like a CVS though because you have to tell them what you want and they get it for you. You can't pick up some medications by yourself. Anyway. I was so glad that our pastor's wife was working because I knew she'd be able to help me. I am so thankful for knowing English-speaking people in helpful areas. When one is sick, the last thing they want to do is try to communicate in a foreign language that they know very little of. Fortunately I have not been so sick, and this was my first trip to a lekárná alone. And I was glad I was able to speak English for the entire transaction-much less stressful than if she hadn't been there. If you're reading, Thanks Zuzka!
Now that I've given you a run-down of my illness (in more detail than you probably need or want), I know what you're thinking: "how does this make for good timing?" Excellent question. Let me tell you. See Friday is a national holiday. And as such, this weekend every year, it is a 5 day weekend-also known as Fall break. Now, I do still have some classes. Only one today and one tomorrow. But it's perfect timing because it's an extended period where I can just rest. I don't have to have a coughing fit in classes (well not most) and I don't have to find a way to get a drink or worry about not being able to breathe. For the most part, I can just relax at home and get better. This is so wonderful.
This morning I got to skype with a friend of mine who is teaching in Turkey. And she is always reminding me that God is good at the details. And this is just one more reminder for me that God has all the details worked out-there is not one thing He has forgotten or overlooked. It's really comforting to know this. In the midst of all the uncertainty in my life, I know for sure (though I often forget and am tempted to try to do it myself) that God has all the details worked out-none of it is a surprise to Him.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
lucky you!
So I'm not sure if it's fitting, but I started writing my last blog fully knowing that I would be writing two blogs tonight. Trials and perseverance were to be the topic of the first, and the topic of this, the second, is exhaustion.
I don't know what is so different about this year, but the first month of teaching has been very taxing on me. Those of you who know teacher-Jess know that working late hours isn't necessarily a problem for me. It was common for me in Philly, at least in the earlier years, to get to work really early and leave really late. I was usually planning or grading work while I was there, and I managed well. It was tiring, but I had no personal life, really, so it wasn't a problem. In fact, I stayed until the school building closed at 7 on Halloween one year. But there's something different about it this year. Perhaps it's the struggle of juggling a personal life with work. This is in no way meant to be a complaint about life. I am very happy with most aspects of my life right now, but am also frustrated, possibly with myself, at the fact that I am missing out on fun things that I normally would love to do because I feel weary. And this makes me a bit nervous because it's only October. Fortunately, my week is most difficult in the beginning of the week, or i'd be headed for at least a 50 hour week! And that's just for work. The hard part is that I want to do social things. As an extrovert, I need time with people. Teenagers and above-that's the only stipulation. Anything younger than a teenager and it feels more like I'm babysitting or teaching than I'm enjoying myself. This doesn't refuel me. But tea at a cafe with one or two friends, or a house party with 25 people hanging out and enjoying each others company, and anything in between-that's what I need. People with whom I have a relationship.
This year is hard because Erica's schedule is so different from mine that we literally have like two nights a week that we can almost enjoy each other's company, but one of those is only every other week, and the other weeks, we do a Bible study, so it's not like one on one quality time. If you compare this to the other team of girls here, that's not so bad. But if you compare it to last year, it's a challenge. Erica and I had dinner just about every night together, and we loved it. We would talk about what was going on, what was tough, what was great, what we wanted to do in the next week, anything was open for discussion. And now, we feel like we have no time! It's a struggle.
While I have been blessed with so many great friends here in Ostrava, I feel as if I can't see them, and this is also tough. I am very sad because I have been feeling so overwhelmed with all of these things that I decided not to go to Film Weekend. I wish so much that I could be there, but for my sanity, I need to not go. It was a tough decision, but I feel that at this point, it's a necessary one. This weekend, I need to rest-and yet I find that even in my "restful" weekend, I find myself wanting to fill my time. In some way, it's not a problem. I want to use the time to work on relationships that I have had to neglect because more urgent matters have come up. I feel bad saying I have no free time. Because I know that on Saturdays I normally do next to nothing, except maybe at night. But like I said before, this doesn't refuel me, it just allows me to feel like I don't have any obligations. Being with people is what refuels me-and teaching isn't quite what I mean :-) though sometimes it suits me well enough-when it has to.
Part of me hopes this is becoming too long for people to finish reading at this point :-) I have to say I am honestly struggling with the fact that I decided not to go to Film Weekend because I need some "time off" not from YL but from responsibilities in general, and then I may decide to go to a Halloween party or have lunch with a friend, or try to spend time with friends to be renewed. And definitely to spend some time with God, as well. But I feel mentally drained right now, and I need some time with no responsibilities and to just be.
Please pray for me as I seek to find ways to rest during the week, and to be less lazy and more restful at all times. And if you have any suggestions or ideas from your own experiences, feel free to share! I am a little nervous that this is hitting in October, and I hope things do get better because I may have a serious issue on my hands if it's still this busy in, say, February!
I don't know what is so different about this year, but the first month of teaching has been very taxing on me. Those of you who know teacher-Jess know that working late hours isn't necessarily a problem for me. It was common for me in Philly, at least in the earlier years, to get to work really early and leave really late. I was usually planning or grading work while I was there, and I managed well. It was tiring, but I had no personal life, really, so it wasn't a problem. In fact, I stayed until the school building closed at 7 on Halloween one year. But there's something different about it this year. Perhaps it's the struggle of juggling a personal life with work. This is in no way meant to be a complaint about life. I am very happy with most aspects of my life right now, but am also frustrated, possibly with myself, at the fact that I am missing out on fun things that I normally would love to do because I feel weary. And this makes me a bit nervous because it's only October. Fortunately, my week is most difficult in the beginning of the week, or i'd be headed for at least a 50 hour week! And that's just for work. The hard part is that I want to do social things. As an extrovert, I need time with people. Teenagers and above-that's the only stipulation. Anything younger than a teenager and it feels more like I'm babysitting or teaching than I'm enjoying myself. This doesn't refuel me. But tea at a cafe with one or two friends, or a house party with 25 people hanging out and enjoying each others company, and anything in between-that's what I need. People with whom I have a relationship.
This year is hard because Erica's schedule is so different from mine that we literally have like two nights a week that we can almost enjoy each other's company, but one of those is only every other week, and the other weeks, we do a Bible study, so it's not like one on one quality time. If you compare this to the other team of girls here, that's not so bad. But if you compare it to last year, it's a challenge. Erica and I had dinner just about every night together, and we loved it. We would talk about what was going on, what was tough, what was great, what we wanted to do in the next week, anything was open for discussion. And now, we feel like we have no time! It's a struggle.
While I have been blessed with so many great friends here in Ostrava, I feel as if I can't see them, and this is also tough. I am very sad because I have been feeling so overwhelmed with all of these things that I decided not to go to Film Weekend. I wish so much that I could be there, but for my sanity, I need to not go. It was a tough decision, but I feel that at this point, it's a necessary one. This weekend, I need to rest-and yet I find that even in my "restful" weekend, I find myself wanting to fill my time. In some way, it's not a problem. I want to use the time to work on relationships that I have had to neglect because more urgent matters have come up. I feel bad saying I have no free time. Because I know that on Saturdays I normally do next to nothing, except maybe at night. But like I said before, this doesn't refuel me, it just allows me to feel like I don't have any obligations. Being with people is what refuels me-and teaching isn't quite what I mean :-) though sometimes it suits me well enough-when it has to.
Part of me hopes this is becoming too long for people to finish reading at this point :-) I have to say I am honestly struggling with the fact that I decided not to go to Film Weekend because I need some "time off" not from YL but from responsibilities in general, and then I may decide to go to a Halloween party or have lunch with a friend, or try to spend time with friends to be renewed. And definitely to spend some time with God, as well. But I feel mentally drained right now, and I need some time with no responsibilities and to just be.
Please pray for me as I seek to find ways to rest during the week, and to be less lazy and more restful at all times. And if you have any suggestions or ideas from your own experiences, feel free to share! I am a little nervous that this is hitting in October, and I hope things do get better because I may have a serious issue on my hands if it's still this busy in, say, February!
trials of any kind
In my life, I have had my share of trials-most people have had their own share, let's be honest. Life is not easy for most people, at least not by their own standards, though, of course, when held to the same standard, my life isn't so difficult at all. Yesterday, I was reading a friend's blog, and she quoted James 1:2-4. And about five minutes later, when I refreshed my facebook news feed, I saw that another friend who is completely unrelated to the friend who wrote the blog had posted the exact same verse.
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
Though I didn't connect it until just now, last night I was at a bible study we have started here and we were discussing various things, but during the time, I wanted to say, but didn't, that I feel as though all the trials and things related to depending on God to provide the things I couldn't provide for myself were necessary. And now I see this verse and am assured that this is exactly true. I am reminded now, also of Romans 5:2b-5:
... we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.
Perseverance, no matter what the situation, now matter how hard things get, builds character and hope. I don't always feel it necessary to write this way on my blog, but today I had to share. Just when things seem easy, they get harder. And sometimes, just when things start looking hard, they get harder. But we are still supposed to persevere. Perseverance creates in us better character and gives us hope. And when it's finished its work, we are mature and complete and we don't lack anything.
If I had to look back on my life, I would say I am generally at least ok at persevering. I am pretty good at rolling with the punches and sticking with things. I can be quite determined, even to the point of stubbornness. But there are times I just don't want to persevere! Thank God that "all Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work" (2 Tim. 3:16) It still speaks today. (Now I just have to persevere and memorize the references for the verses I have memorized!)
How are you doing with persevering? Do you consider it pure joy when you face trials of many kinds (or of any kind, as some translations say)? I encourage you to 'let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.' And help me do the same.
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
Though I didn't connect it until just now, last night I was at a bible study we have started here and we were discussing various things, but during the time, I wanted to say, but didn't, that I feel as though all the trials and things related to depending on God to provide the things I couldn't provide for myself were necessary. And now I see this verse and am assured that this is exactly true. I am reminded now, also of Romans 5:2b-5:
... we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.
Perseverance, no matter what the situation, now matter how hard things get, builds character and hope. I don't always feel it necessary to write this way on my blog, but today I had to share. Just when things seem easy, they get harder. And sometimes, just when things start looking hard, they get harder. But we are still supposed to persevere. Perseverance creates in us better character and gives us hope. And when it's finished its work, we are mature and complete and we don't lack anything.
If I had to look back on my life, I would say I am generally at least ok at persevering. I am pretty good at rolling with the punches and sticking with things. I can be quite determined, even to the point of stubbornness. But there are times I just don't want to persevere! Thank God that "all Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work" (2 Tim. 3:16) It still speaks today. (Now I just have to persevere and memorize the references for the verses I have memorized!)
How are you doing with persevering? Do you consider it pure joy when you face trials of many kinds (or of any kind, as some translations say)? I encourage you to 'let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.' And help me do the same.
Saturday, October 15, 2011
What?!
So it's another day... and another blog entry! Who would have thought it would be another one the very next day? But today, I wanted to post about God's provision.
For a number of reasons, the past few months have been tight financially. Though I have to admit, failure to properly manage my money is one reason (and possibly the main reason), it is not the only reason. And things have been tight for me both here in the Czech Republic and in America, with the funds I have to pay my obligations there. But God has hugely shown His faithfulness to me by providing even for small things.
The first thing I want to share is how he sold my car. I had been going back and forth about what to do next year because I would need it if I went back to America, so I should try to find a way to pay for it until I got back. But it would have made things so much more difficult if I had to find that money-because it really wasn't there. And honestly, I want to be back here. I love living in the Czech Republic and would love to find a way to be back next year. But I couldn't decide-I had just gotten here. I wasn't actively trying to sell my car at all because I still didn't know. One day, I was talking to my mom on Facebook and she mentioned a friend who asked her if I was still selling my car. I emailed this friend and within a week and a half, my father was handed a check and I paid off the car and now we are waiting for the title so we can transfer it to them. When I had stopped selling the car, and started to pray about what to do next year, God sold the car. It is such a relief, though honestly I miss owning it. I don't miss the headache of paying for it when I can't use it and things like that, though. I also believe this is confirmation that I am not done here yet. I'll talk more about that in a later post.
Like last year, this year I have funds to raise for ESI, the organization I am here with. This year, I had only about half the amount of last year, though. Over the summer, I had hoped to finish raising money for last year and get a good start on this year, if not raise all of it. And while God's people were generous, I didn't quite raise enough to finish for last year. So I was stressed this year, that I wouldn't raise it all and that I would have to pay it back on my own. I was pleased to find at least one or two new monthly partners, though, and some willing to give larger lump sums like last year. But on the same day my car was sold, I checked my account and found that I only owed $1600, and then found that a friend who was in the Czech Republic last year and had a surplus in her funds, donated some of her surplus, or maybe all of her surplus to me! It was over $5000!! Praise God, one less thing to worry about! It was so amazing to me.
For the past week, I have had enough money to buy tickets to get where I need to go, but that's it. But in the past week alone, I had a friend ask if she could buy me a snack at church, a friend give me a ticket for the tram, a friend take me out to dinner, two friends buy me snacks at film night, and I was given money that I forgot I was owed. My roommate was having similar problems, and thought she had also run out of money, but last weekend, she was looking where she keeps her money and found an additional 2000 crowns! More than enough to ensure that we ate more than just pasta with butter for the week while we waited to be paid! In some cases, people knew my situation and offered to pay, but in others, the friend didn't know at all. It has been so amazing to see how God provided. While it has been stressful to not have and sometimes wonder where it would come from, it has been an awesome lesson in God's provision, reminding me that "He who did not withhold his own Son, but gave him up for all of us, will he not with him also give us everything else?" (Rom 8:32). And, probably also quite fitting is from the song that has been stuck in my head all morning, "His eye is on the sparrow and he watches over me."
How has God provided for you when you least expected it or most needed it?
For a number of reasons, the past few months have been tight financially. Though I have to admit, failure to properly manage my money is one reason (and possibly the main reason), it is not the only reason. And things have been tight for me both here in the Czech Republic and in America, with the funds I have to pay my obligations there. But God has hugely shown His faithfulness to me by providing even for small things.
The first thing I want to share is how he sold my car. I had been going back and forth about what to do next year because I would need it if I went back to America, so I should try to find a way to pay for it until I got back. But it would have made things so much more difficult if I had to find that money-because it really wasn't there. And honestly, I want to be back here. I love living in the Czech Republic and would love to find a way to be back next year. But I couldn't decide-I had just gotten here. I wasn't actively trying to sell my car at all because I still didn't know. One day, I was talking to my mom on Facebook and she mentioned a friend who asked her if I was still selling my car. I emailed this friend and within a week and a half, my father was handed a check and I paid off the car and now we are waiting for the title so we can transfer it to them. When I had stopped selling the car, and started to pray about what to do next year, God sold the car. It is such a relief, though honestly I miss owning it. I don't miss the headache of paying for it when I can't use it and things like that, though. I also believe this is confirmation that I am not done here yet. I'll talk more about that in a later post.
Like last year, this year I have funds to raise for ESI, the organization I am here with. This year, I had only about half the amount of last year, though. Over the summer, I had hoped to finish raising money for last year and get a good start on this year, if not raise all of it. And while God's people were generous, I didn't quite raise enough to finish for last year. So I was stressed this year, that I wouldn't raise it all and that I would have to pay it back on my own. I was pleased to find at least one or two new monthly partners, though, and some willing to give larger lump sums like last year. But on the same day my car was sold, I checked my account and found that I only owed $1600, and then found that a friend who was in the Czech Republic last year and had a surplus in her funds, donated some of her surplus, or maybe all of her surplus to me! It was over $5000!! Praise God, one less thing to worry about! It was so amazing to me.
For the past week, I have had enough money to buy tickets to get where I need to go, but that's it. But in the past week alone, I had a friend ask if she could buy me a snack at church, a friend give me a ticket for the tram, a friend take me out to dinner, two friends buy me snacks at film night, and I was given money that I forgot I was owed. My roommate was having similar problems, and thought she had also run out of money, but last weekend, she was looking where she keeps her money and found an additional 2000 crowns! More than enough to ensure that we ate more than just pasta with butter for the week while we waited to be paid! In some cases, people knew my situation and offered to pay, but in others, the friend didn't know at all. It has been so amazing to see how God provided. While it has been stressful to not have and sometimes wonder where it would come from, it has been an awesome lesson in God's provision, reminding me that "He who did not withhold his own Son, but gave him up for all of us, will he not with him also give us everything else?" (Rom 8:32). And, probably also quite fitting is from the song that has been stuck in my head all morning, "His eye is on the sparrow and he watches over me."
How has God provided for you when you least expected it or most needed it?
New beginnings
Hello and welcome to my first blog entry of my new blog. Perhaps you are wondering why I am here and not on my website. And it's a valid question. I will continue using my website until June 2012, but at that time, I will no longer be able to publish my site to MobileMe because MobileMe will cease to exist. And in reading up on it, I could continue to have the same website with some other domain, but the article I read said I wouldn't be able to do the blog or have view counters and other stuff like that. So, I decided to start this blog, starting now, that I will post on.
Tune back another day, hopefully soon, for another installment of this blog :-D
Tune back another day, hopefully soon, for another installment of this blog :-D
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